Wintergirls

The snow drifts into our zombie mouths crawling with grease and curses and tobacco flakes and cavities and boyfriend/girlfriend juice, the stain of lies. For one moment we are not failed tests and broken condoms and cheating on essays; we are crayons and lunch boxes and swinging so high our sneakers punching holes in the clouds.  For one breath everything feels better.

Then it melts.

~Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson

Dark Eyes

He's got

One

Two

Beautiful eyes

Three

Four

Five

Overwhelming emotions

All locked up

Inside of him

Behind dark, dark eyes

Behind walls

And mountains

And oceans

He looks at me

And it's like

The world

Splits in

Two

He

Is so

Terribly

Breathtakingly

Beautiful that it hurts

I want to take

away his

hurt

and

erase

all of his

invisible pain

I can't

I want to

So badly do I want to

But I can't because

He won't let me

~8/7/14~

Delicate Fingers

She had beautiful hands,

Long, thin and delicate fingers.

The way she tapped them across her desk,

The way she would tap the noses of the ones she loved.

The way she ran her fingers

Through her hair,

Through his hair,

Over my heart.

Such fragile fingers,

Such soft intentions,

So lovely.

~1/13/14~

Phone Calls

The days are long in the mountains and I find myself missing him even more now.  The reception is nearly nonexistent, but the bare amounts I find are the moments I am most grateful for.  I miss him with a physical ache, a longing just to hear his voice that startles me.  And so, in those few times I find myself in the range of reception, his number is already shouting throughout my head and my fingers itching to dial them  It doesn't even occur to me that perhaps I should think about what to talk about, think this through first.  But I'm dialing his number before anything else, and I'm wearing that stupid smile that never seems to come off when I'm around him.  My heart is speeding up, if only because I'll get to hear his voice again.  Even if only to hear the recorded, bored tone of his voice mail telling me that he's not there.  I'll take anything.